Keep Your Head Up

/ alixoneil / 4 Comments

 

My family is more medical than most I know. My wife, mother, aunt, uncle, mother in law, father in law, and sister in law are all in the field of medicine. I have lots of friends old and young who span specialties, states, and even countries in this area of expertise. Not one would deny that a state of positive mental well-being would help result in a successful outcome in a battle against cancer. What reason would anyone have to disagree that a positive outlook is the way to go? What is the alternative? Throughout this two-week process (I cannot believe it has only been two weeks), I have tried to turn every negative into a positive. It is the only way for me. There is no alternative. Someone asked me recently if I was mad about the “unfair” nature of this disease and the “why me” factor. I will not ask “why me”? I will not be mad at this. One of my best friends put it this way: Everyone in life has his cross to bear, and I feel this is mine. This will be the hardest thing I will have gone through up to this point in my life, so all that I can do is fight it as fiercely as possible. If not now, when? This will take all my energy, emotion, and will. I know that. I am ready for it physically. I need to be ready for it mentally.   Being positive is my preparation. There is a litany of positives to conquer negatives on a peripheral outlook in this process. I am going to be out of work/pay for at least three months. Conversely, I have not had a true vacation in almost three years. I have brought my son to the first movie since he has been born. This was a true joy that I always missed out on. And for those who have not seen the Lego movie, I am a fan. I may actually see my daughter’s first steps, as she is so close right now. My wife and I have spent more time together in the past two weeks than we do in two months. I realize more everyday why we fell in love and why we need to spend 50 more years together. I will be in and out of work throughout all of this, but mentally my thoughts are on treatment and my family. This is not easy to admit, but this is the first time in my career that the restaurant has not come first. This was hard for me to deal with at first, but it is the reality. Nothing is more important than family. Nothing. And right now my health and outcome of this battle is what will allow me many more years with this family that I so love. Stay tuned for more in the series of turning negatives into positives throughout the battle with cancer. I am finding more everyday.

~Carl

The more the merrier

/ alixoneil / 4 Comments

Benjamin Franklin said, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” Suffice it to say ole Ben, though great man he was, never traveled to South Louisiana. He might have rethought his simile. First of all, good fish would never last three days without being turned into a good pot of courtbouillon. Secondly, we cherish our guests, for good reason. Family and friends are the lifeblood of our culture. We are a social bunch of people and we really do not like to be alone. We embrace one another’s company, in good times and in bad. We come together in times of strife just as much as times of joy. I was recently descended upon by not one or two but about eight of my closest, high school buddies a couple of days ago. They brought a computer to help with this blog, a video camera to diary my experience, and a bunch of useful hands to help “hunker down” for this fight we are about to face. Amazingly, I still had all six beers that were in my fridge when they arrived. There was no pretense, no motive. I did not ask them to come. They just wanted to be around their buddy who was going through some hard times. Alix’ sisters and best buds from back home have been in and out of the house as well. They have traveled hundreds of miles to spend the weekend and provide us with help that is appreciated beyond words. They have left behind babies, husbands, and jobs in an instant just to give us a hand, a shoulder, and a hug. Family dinners every night that I was never really able to enjoy or often took for granted are now so much more meaningful. I truly feel like sometimes we get too caught up in our own lives and we lose touch with those we love. Sometimes pain or joy reunites us and we realize that the love for our friends and family never leaves, it has always been there. It shows up stronger than ever right when you need it. We are blessed to go about this journey with family and friends. Not everyone has that blessing. So I will end this post on a lighter note with yet another quote, “If you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say ‘thank you for being a friend.” Thank you all for the love and support. The fight is just beginning and we could not do it without you. Kicking cancer in the gut one day at a time!

~Carl

Waiting to exhale.

/ alixoneil / 12 Comments

It is with great pleasure that I can say we just received a call letting us know that the cancer remains only in the GE junction and surrounding lymph nodes. God is good! Let the chemotherapy and radiation begin! Thank you for all the well wishes, donations, and support!!!! The support is amazing. We are hugging tight, and thankful for this first great piece of news!!!! The plan remains starting Chemo and radiation combination therapy on Wednesday. Then it will be followed by six weeks of therapy and surgery. Amen. Plan of attack is finally officially in place.

And so the fight begins.

/ alixoneil / 6 Comments

image

 

Sitting in a surgical waiting room, trying to breathe.  In one short week our entire life flipped upside down, and we’ve spent the interim trying to suppress the constant low-level anxiety that comes along with the severity of what we are facing. Today is the beginning of “the fight,” one to which we will give every ounce of life we have. I watch him wheel away for the surgical insertion of his central line,  and it becomes so real, the fragility of life staring me down through those beautiful dark brown eyes…a life with so much purpose, passion, and love. Carl is my soul-mate.  He is everything and more that you could ask for in a partner. He is the beat of my heart. The years we have had together, making two tiny perfect humans, our house into a home, our marriage into a strong and thriving partnership. It is painful that such a gentle man could be faced with so much loss, given that his daily focus is giving to others and perfecting their dining experience. He has lived his life through his stomach, mastering all his senses, and making food art. Now ironically, it is his stomach that threatens that very life.

I remember the first time Carl and I met and had our first real conversation. Even then, it was as if he was speaking to my heart. I became alive in a way that I never knew possible through the growth of our relationship. Carl, never settling for anything but the best for himself, and for those whom he loves, has pushed me to be the best person I can be. His love has made me want to be a better person, wife, mother, nurse, friend, and sister.

Our love story is one that came out of tragedy. He, displaced and homeless post Hurricane Katrina. And myself? I was lost, drifting through my life after a nasty divorce that broke up my family, and in so many ways my entire path of life.  Circumstances sent us both to a beautiful sleepy beach community located on Florida’s 30-A coast.  It was through our love our hearts mended and a new family was created. Our two beautiful children embody not only our love for each other but God’s love for us. Those little people have all the best qualities of their daddy (thankfully much more focus than their mother).

Today is the beginning of our fight. Today (and every day hereafter) I must remember to cherish the joys and victories, however small they may be. I mustn’t forget the everyday delight of hearing our happy children waking up for school or their excitement at seeing us when we pick them up at the end of the day, or hugs and kisses and prayers and one more story after the last story at bedtime. I must remember that our love has brought us to this place and trust that this, too, shall pass…but love remains. Always.

Alix