The lack of communication on our end is in no way an indication of our lack of wanting to reach out to all of our amazing support system. Life since we left the hospital has honestly been full of the lowest lows, and a few of the highest highs (babies coming home). I have been short with words at this time. To be honest the feelings we are having are so raw at this point. Cancer has become real. The inability for a chef to eat, constant dry heaving, nauseated with every smell under the sun. Life is very difficult. Recovery is slow. We are finding joy in the smallest victories.
Cancer is so scary, how it creeps in unnoticed, and literally changes your entire life. Right now it feels as though the symptoms are winning to Carl, for the first time he feels weak, unsure, and like the cancer is getting the best of him. Food is his life outside of family. It is physically painful for him to eat, and that is more heart breaking than the diagnosis itself. Simple things like yawning, coughing, and hiccups, are extremely painful. We are working each day to set small goals to increase normal activity. Prayers are needed at this time, more than ever. For my children, for myself to keep patient, and for our parents who have been here around the clock helping us since we came home.
A special thanks to Oschner, Dr. John Bolton, Siobhan, and all the nurses on the GI Step Down Unit and ICU. I have never seen such flawless nursing in all my life (that is saying a lot considering I have worked almost every avenue of nursing care). Their pain management, time management, endless attention to details made for an excellent experience. Our surgeon, and his team of surgical residents were at our side night and day, they were tirelessly working!!! Our surgeon was incredible. The cancer was all removed, and our margins are clear. The worry and reason for additional chemotherapy is that there was so much cancer still living and 5/41 nodes removed were positive with cancer, and 1 cm of his tumor had living cancer. We will be doing 16 weeks of chemotherapy that will start in 2.5 weeks or upon healing from surgery. Thank you all for all of the love and support. Carl will hopefully be turning a corner soon and able to starting feeling up for visitors. At this poing he is so nauseated that it is difficult. Thank you all for your prayers and continued support.