A year ago today my beautiful swollen tummy gave way to the most beautiful baby girl. I will never forget the look in Carl’s eyes as he held his daughter for the first time. Instantly he softened somehow, and through the last 12 months I have watched this love for Cate grow. It is magic.
Having children is something I knew that I always would accomplish, but never knew all the intricacies that came along with parenting. When I met Carl my heart knew well before my mind that we would be together forever. I instantly imagined us growing old together, and our children. Never did I know the true power behind pregnancy, birth, and parenting. When we had Carr, something in me changed. Life took on a new meaning. There is deep intimacy that is braided along with the love of husband and wife to then create a human being that is both of you combined. The profound nature of conception can reduce me to tears, especially given the mystery behind it. As I stare at both of my beautiful children sleeping I am in awe that through their eyes there is a reflection of all of our history. Each child so unique and special, yet I see so much of Carl and myself in them.
Pregnancy and motherhood are such gifts. When you are with someone who is your soul mate, you see and feel God’s workings throughout the whole process. My own mother often said that having children was just the icing on the cake of true love, and that it was God’s greatest gift in life. My grandmére used to say love begets love. This must be why they both had so many children. In all seriousness, having a child grow underneath your heart, and holding them in your arms for the first time is the closest I have ever felt to God. The amount of love that fills that delivery room is so intoxicating that you can almost touch it. Today I think about our two children, and how much the love we have for them has exponentially grown since their births. The joy that we have in the simplicity of having a family. Their mere presence has forever changed our lives.
Our life as we know it has somehow changed. Carr and Cate, not really aware of the severity of what is before us. Me, I feel like I am looking through a window at my own life. Knowing how much I need to cherish each day, yet my heart is somewhat detached. The idea that all that we have created could possibly be taken from us…this keeps me from making a true connection with my heart. People search their whole lives to find their person, and to be able to have that and two beautiful children, somehow I have always known that I have a rare gift. I now feel fiercely protective of my husband. I now am preparing for the hardest fight of my life, for without him my heart does not beat
Life…what a beautiful gift. We have all been guilty of taking it for granted. As I watch Catherine eating her first birthday cake, I cannot help but hope that her little life will know no tragedy. I pray that God continues to help me cherish the life we have, and that writing will help others know how precious each day is. My husband has always been someone who gives 100% of his heart and soul in all he does. That is why I married him, that is why so many people love him so. I myself, am giving it my best effort towards giving my life 100%. So we celebrate the sweetest first year with our baby girl, and all the love, laughter, and shenanigans that comes along with our children and our sweet little family.
As we blow out the candles, we hold our hands extra tight knowing that all of our wishes on the candles this year are the same, to live a long life together with yearly additions of candles on our cakes.